When fellow #GCW contributor Sean wrote 'Different types of society golfers, coming to a course near you,' it made me chuckle because surprise surprise it's true!
The thing is you'll maybe see these types of groups over the course of a year or two. But on a recent trip to the Costa del Golf, I witnessed some incredible, stereotypical types of golfer, but all within the course of a three day trip.
Let's see if you know any of these...
He's the mum of the group, he's done all the prep work, he's scouted out the best golf resorts and put the feelers out.
He's got quote after quote from GB, YGT and many more. He's getting his mates a great deal. When you get there he's sorting out the timings, the restaurant you will be eating at, the strip club your going to, he is the man.
Or is he?
Don't think he's just doing this for you! He's getting a free holiday, possibly even making some money to cover his spending money.
Everyone knows the big companies offer 1 in 12 go free but he's not passing that saving on. No sir... he's having a jolly at your expense and the least he can do is get you where you need to be on time and make sure you get fed and watered.
The (Wannabe) Gangster
Now this guy either wants to be the 'Big I Am' or is the 'Big I Am' and loves giving it large in front of a group of lads, either way you're not quite sure what pies he has his fingers in.
But don't concern yourself too much if he is on your next trip because he'll be getting plenty of drinks.
'Oi Manuel' or what ever Spanish name he wants to give (It changes the more pissed he gets!)
'See these blokes? I'm getting these drinks. 16 San Miguels and when you fucking see an empty glass you fucking fill it up until I say so. Entiendo pedro?'
The Royal and Awesome
These guys are like the John Daly appreciation society on steroids and because the sun is out they take it up a notch.
Not only going for the hideously loud and most disgusting shorts they can find themselves they go not just for the matching shirt, but also the matching visor.
The Matching Shirt Gang
I saw three types while away...
1 - The small group of 4-8 guys that think it's cute to wear the same shirts. It helps them get the green light from their other halves because 'It's a serious golf trip' and not a lad's weekend golfing!
2- The large society type who take over the course. When they finish they know where to sit, they probably don't know everyone but the tribal uniform makes them feel safe.
3 - This is a new and evolving group that take matching shirts to another level. Scandinavian looking bunch with not only matching shoes, shorts and shirts but business logos on their shirts, almost sponsorship looking logos!
These guys are a professional outfit and are taking group golfing to the next level. Couldn't work them out.
The Couples Group
Blokes not allowed to go on a golfing holiday so get their other halves to play golf. Normally four couples, groups of eight and the boys play together, then for four hours they get the golfing holiday they have been dreaming of.
After hours who knows what goes on, keys in the middle? New meaning to swinging!
The Clown Assassin
This guy is the one with the bantz and jokes, brings out the insults, wears the Darren Clarke visor with the silver fox haircut, egging everyone on to get back on it but is secretly pouring his Estrella into the nearest plant pot.
This guy is one to watch. He is seriously competitive and puts up this smoke screen, but no one notices he is actually nicking the daily wagers because of the show he is putting on.
The Young 'Un
Always a group of middle aged guys with the young lad who is the best player. He's there on his first golfing trip and hoping to get shown the ropes on beer and strip clubs and maybe pop the V plates!
The Gang of Nicknames
Everyone in this group has a nickname... Stevey, SteveO, Swaney, Big Dawg, Ricko, Sticky, Dipshit... Most of them don't take too much explaining!
It's a golfing trip abroad, it's the rules!
An awful lot of local beer is getting drunk and the hotels have a room full of zombie-like, death reborn dressed in golfing attire ready for breakfast.
They get in from the night before and they are pissed (literally) that they are teeing off at 8am. But to be fair once they get through the vomiting, head spinning, dry mouth stage getting on the buggy and having the fresh air in your face... well nah it doesn't do fuck all for the lack of sleep and dehydration they are going through.
The Ball Buyers
It's the last day and every day you have been driving to a course there are the local guys selling golf balls on the side of road.
You know that you have got to be having a really shit trip if you have to buy balls from them. It's golfs equivalent of the walk of shame the next morning!
But there is always one.
'Stop the coach! I need some balls!'
Matey boy has the balls all bagged up in your brands, Titleist, TaylorMade, Callaway, Dunlop, Top Flite! Which ones to pick?
Now you don't generally treat yourself to Pro V1's in the U.K. so on holiday a few lake balls won't hurt. The guy with the lake balls is one hell of a negotiator though and €40 later you get stung for a dozen second hand ProV1's and everyone on the back on the coach gets to hear about it!
I might be listening to you!