Today’s rant is about my own country. The United Kingdom.
On Wikipedia (the best source of information, don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!) it describes our climate like this...
“In general the climate of the UK is cool and often cloudy, and hot temperatures are infrequent.”
But I swear they’re being kind here?
I’d substitute the word ‘cool’ for ‘fucking freezing/baltic’.
I’d switch ‘often cloudy’ for ‘one big all-consuming miserable grey cloud.’
And ‘infrequent’ is very open to interpretation. All I know is on the odd day it is warm I get dragged to Brighton for the day by the Mrs and just end up getting pissed off with people. And seagulls.
So how does this relate to golf I hear you ask?
Well we all watch it on television all over the world and it’s perfect. It’s beautifully sunny and to most of the rest of the world it’s just normal weather.
Meanwhile if us hardy souls do venture out on the golf course it’s probably on temporary greens, the fairways are frozen and there is a fair chance you could be pelted by hail stones at any moment.
The poor greenkeepers have to try to cope with all this random shit whilst our handicaps just keep on going up.
So what’s keeping us here? Why aren’t we just pissing off somewhere where we can play golf 320 days of the year and be totally chilled?
Are roast dinners that good? Is watching your team get beat down the pub with your mates that good? Is going to work in the dark and getting back in the dark that good?
What’s is it?
I can only conclude it is our odd British sense of humour and the fact that we must just be suckers for punishment? We vote in pig-loving Prime Ministers, keep Honey-G in the X-Factor and the national pastime is to brutally rip the piss out of people we actually like.
No wonder we pay money to play on 12 temporary greens when it’s pissing it down. It’s just the way we are.
We’re British. We're odd. And proud to be!
I'm the Managing Editor at The Club. I like putting and Rioja. I dislike my low slice.