Captain's Picks and Sucking Dicks


Who’d be a manager hey?

If you’re not getting slated for who you pick or how you play you’re getting Telegraph journalists offering you money to do dodgy things.

Being a Ryder Cup captain is golf’s equivalent of the England job and every Tom, Dick and Harry Styles think they know best because they’ve got a 12-year old set of Dunlops from Argos in the garage.

So when Rory and Pieters were tearing it up all day all the attention is on the incredible golf of them, and rightfully so.

But when players who haven’t played well or stuck points on the board fail again then questions will be asked and the buck stops with the captain, Mr Clarke.

Add to this that you have rookies who have played well and scored points, two of them unbeaten in Cabrera-Bello and Wood.

Then you pop in an off-form Martin Kaymer, your stablemate Danny Willett and pair him with one of your best mates in Lee Westwood, who by his own admission was awful on the opening morning… Well you know you’re putting your neck on the line.

What followed was unfortunate and was the fault of nobody.

Westwood’s missed putts we’ve seen before but he didn’t try to miss. His partner Willett could only watch on and Kaymer seemingly just doesn’t have his game.

The aforementioned armchair critics are quick with hindsight to say so and so should have never been on a plane, or ‘He only got picked because they’re mates.’

In all honesty there was no public outcry when Clarke selected the experienced duo of Westwood and Kaymer to add to the large amount of rookies that had qualified in their own right. Ironically it was the third pick which was always going to the most controversial and Pieters has looked absolutely inspired.

The kid will be a superstar, I have an absolute man crush on him and can’t wait to see his career progress. Just hoping he remembers us when he does!

As for the other rookies Chris Wood was class in his only outing whilst Rafa Cabrera-Bello showed absolute cojones to grind out a half point with his compatriot Sergio. How on earth they were ever split up is the one that might have many scratching their heads?

Even Andy Sullivan who has been left out since his narrow opening day defeat with Rory would feel extremely unfortunate not to get more than one run out. He looked solid and seemed to have the requisite passion for the occasion.


A passion absolutely held by America’s star of the day Patrick Reed, who will play Rory tomorrow in the contest every fan wanted to see!

At Gleneagles he was the pantomime villain but amongst his own he is a cult hero. Even as a European you’ve got to love him, his golf and energy has been tremendous.

An energy perhaps shared by a few of the American fans who fuelled by a couple of Miller Lites were passionate throughout creating an amazing atmosphere.

It’s easy to tar them all with the same brush but if we’re totally honest it’s always going to be a very small minority that step over the line and do something that affects the matches. These are the problem.

Most of the crowd shouts are incessant and often annoyingly unoriginal but each to their own. 

The dude who told Rory to ‘suck a dick’ whilst he walked past for example can’t be labelled unoriginal, and personally I think that’s moderately funny, but I know many will see there is no place for that kind of thing on a golf course.

In fact I just heard Sky Sports News describe it as a ‘derogatory profanity’ whilst an American journalist called it an ‘anatomical insult’.

I mean this is hilarious.

What kind of anatomical insult gets you chucked out and which is just playful banter?

Is ‘Go lick a minge’ OK?

How about ‘Kiss a fanny’?

I'm not even sure why this is offensive? 

Is it sexist, homophobic or what? It’s a confusing world we live in in 2016… I’ll leave it all to PJ Willett, who incidentally people were coming round to during the evening’s action.

And you just know that the same sensationalist media will jump on these things, sadly overshadowing some incredible performances on the course.


But in my opinion, wherever you stand on ‘anatomical insults’ they were all dwarfed by the guy shouting just as Henrik Stenson was about to putt, which we’re led to believe wasn’t an isolated incident. That’s when it affects the purity of the sport and everyone hates it.

That’s when enough is enough and perhaps an immediate loss of the hole might be required to put a stop to it?

It puts the Europeans off.

The Americans don’t want to win with these things happening. 

And the other fans are just thinking ‘You’re making us all look like idiots.’ 

It just can’t happen tomorrow in what could still prove to be incredible sporting drama. Please!

Europe have work to do but the way this Ryder Cup has toed and froed they’ll believe they can get close come Sunday evening.

Captain Clarke will just hope it’s close in his favour, because after Saturday’s fourballs, he won’t want to look back thinking I was the idiot.

I'm the Managing Editor at The Club. I like putting and Rioja. I dislike my low slice.