Whether you club golfers know it or not we Pro's get to hear a lot of funny/strange/damn right annoying stuff. I'm sure some of you think we were born yesterday!
I thought for a first piece I would share some snippets from golfers. Maybe this is you or maybe you know someone like this!
What gets said at a golf used to surprise me, not any more, I had a senior come in the other month and this is not a first time...
"My golf shoes are leaking!"
"Right when did you buy them?"
"Do you know that or are you plucking a date out of thin air?"
"Nope I know that"
"Ok you do know, that is one day short of your years warranty as it is the 4th today"
"Oh yes so it is"
Come on really, do you really expect that your golf shoes have happened to start leaking exactly a year since you brought them! Are we that naive? Do you expect the manufacturer to replace them without inspecting, no! Buy a new pair and stop being so tight!
Just like asking a taxi driver what time he's on until 'So pro is it going to stop raining?' is our equivalent!
Sorry I didn't realise I had the BBC map of the UK Behind me, would you like me to do the weather forecast for you and and your pals? Or would you like me to look in my crystal ball and see if you are going to get wet?
The haggler - This particular guy was a top boss at Tesco...
"So I'm bringing over a society of 16 people."
"Great we'll look forward to having you"
"What are you going to give us for free?"
"Sorry, free? Why would I give you any thing extra for free?"
"Well I'm bringing 16 people to your golf course when I could of gone somewhere else.what freebies are you going to give us?"
Um, let me think about that, and explain in a way that you might understand, do I finish my shopping at Tesco and ask for a free crate of beer just because I shopped at Tesco? I think the manger of the store would think who the fuck is this guy?
And finally for this edition... The Butt Plugs...
No word of a lie I was sitting at my laptop behind the counter just this week and a colleague went to get something for a customer, whether or not the customer knew I was there, I don't know.
Anyway he turns to his mate...
'So you know those butt plugs with the tails on them.'
'Well trying to get my Mrs to pop one in, she ain't keen though'
'Oh, why not?'
'She said something about looking like the backside of a horse and it not doing it for her, I'm bang up for it so I'll keep trying to persuade her'
Well, well, thanks for that insight of your sex life. Anyone want a Mars Bar?
I might be listening to you!