Age - 29
Nationality - English
Nickname - The Smiling Assassin
Celebrity/Film/TV Star - Jay from Inbetweeners
Height - 4' 3"
Hobbit looking chap from the glamorous Nuneaton sandwiched between the even more glamorous Coventry and Birmingham.
Absolute Lad Bible, Bantersaurus Rex, Stella drinking, Football loving, Cheeky chappy, fancy a Jagerbomb down Spoons, Inbetweeners watching, Calvin Harris listening… errr… LAD.
Most likely to say
‘Where am ya? I’m getting the jagers in just after I’ve chucked £30 in the fruity and checked how my acca is getting on.”
Least likely to say...
"That was a good Ryder Cup win. I'm off to bed, don't make too much noise."
The female perspective by our writer Lara...
"71. The hobbit has a questionable fringe (on the cusp of a comb over) and the smile of a serial killer but scores an above average rating for not being morbidly obese and his piercing blue eyes."
It would be so annoying to lose to this guy. He’s about 4-foot tall, built like a 45-year old insurance salesman and looks like he doesn’t give a shit on the course with his happy-go-lucky attitude.
If I’m Darren Clarke I’m sticking him out first group with Chris Wood to form the ultimate lad pairing and letting them lull the Americans into a false sense of security chatting about Championship football and Blue WKD’s.
Then they tear it up to win 4&3 with Sulli instructed to never stop grinning the whole way around whilst Woody stands directly behind Sulli at every opportunity with his hands on his shoulders like a proud father.
Subtle mental warfare that could take two Yanks out on the first day rendering them useless whilst Wood and Sulli prepare for their inevitable odd-couple Sitcom!
What would happen if he got in a fight with Dustin Johnson?
He’d get battered, but not before annoying him.
Most likely sponsor to come in if he has good Ryder Cup?
Cadbury’s. Midland connection and he looks a bit like an Oompa-Lumpa.
Can he actually play golf though?
Three wins in 2015 and for all the smiles is a hugely gritty competitor, seemingly perfect for the Ryder Cup format and atmosphere.
He can pour putts in and strike the ball with the best of them. The Americans should underestimate ‘The Smiling Assassin’ at their peril.
Ryder Cup Ultimate Team Europe Stats
(POP - Popularity, SEXY - How fit is he? INTIM - How scared will the Americans be? LAD - How much of a lad is he? FORM - What's his form like? TWIT - How good is he on Twitter? OVERALL rating in the top left corner)
Have a bet on Team Europe with our Betting Partner Genting Bet who are giving all #GCW readers an exclusive risk free £25 bet through the link below.
So get Europe to win at 9/5 at this link here and if the unthinkable happens and the Americans win they'll give you your stake back and you can have another go.
(Live price as of date and time, odds quoted may change).
I'm the Managing Editor at The Club. I like putting and Rioja. I dislike my low slice.